It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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