I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
