dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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