my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
