All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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