walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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