whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
