The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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