This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
