When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
