chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize