On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
