It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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