**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This baby is an asshole
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
