Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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