I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
