My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
