:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
