Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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