Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My hand turned me down
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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