No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
