Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
