it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
