ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize