dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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