I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
