Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
