as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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