You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
