every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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