all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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