Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
