You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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