Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
