I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
