She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
