we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
