So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
50% drunk capacity currently
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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