Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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