I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize