FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
