Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
