So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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