Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
