dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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