i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
