I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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