Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
