She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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