You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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