Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how drunk are you?
Several
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
