Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
