Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
