I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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