Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high

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  (502): Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high http://tfl.nu/lasc
  Replies (21) Good night (8418) Bad night (957)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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  (865): Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all. http://tfl.nu/2gc2
  Replies (10) Good night (796) Bad night (3205)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3747) Bad night (1046)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid

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  (306): How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid http://tfl.nu/1mq4
  Replies (9) Good night (1103) Bad night (4624)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

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  (405): I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning. http://tfl.nu/v1az
  Replies (9) Good night (3662) Bad night (1521)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

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  (913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg
  Replies (3) Good night (2930) Bad night (983)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.

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  (+61): I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/00sg
  Replies (2) Good night (1128) Bad night (739)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

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  (814): Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate. http://tfl.nu/j5ej
  Replies (10) Good night (1836) Bad night (736)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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  (917): Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep. http://tfl.nu/ccvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1470) Bad night (623)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.

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  (478): I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second. http://tfl.nu/3zb1
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (581)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.

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  (480): And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold. http://tfl.nu/2ktu
  Replies (5) Good night (323) Bad night (645)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  it's too much effort for something that isn't food.

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  (864): it's too much effort for something that isn't food. http://tfl.nu/kjmt
  Replies (0) Good night (552) Bad night (353)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning

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  (716): Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning http://tfl.nu/4lcz
  Replies (2) Good night (418) Bad night (692)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.

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  (307): I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/x610
  Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (176)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable

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  (773): He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable http://tfl.nu/zrol
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (97)

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