I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.