I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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