The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.