my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...