he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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