My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
