I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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