from now on my penis is your penis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
