Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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