A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
