Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
