Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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