I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
