Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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