My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
