Umm I'm too high to move.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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